Living with the devil

Living with the devil

Hardly a week passes, nowadays, not getting to know of a rape case. Being a woman, it hurts every time I hear such a piece of news and the description of barbaric, perverted thirst quenchers who ruin the lives of women; make it a living hell. What has recently caught my attention though, is the lesser known twin of this crime; Marital Rapes.

Recently our maid entered the house, wearing her threadbare sari which entirely failed to conceal the ugly purple bruises all over her body.  It is the same story in other people’s houses as well as in the newspapers and magazines everyday. Cases of dowry deaths, abuse of girl child, and female foeticide are increasingly coming under the public scrutiny. The result of this is that the media; various NGO’S and even the government has now started taking these social evils seriously.However, one such evil which occurs in many a household, regardless of status, caste and culture, yet remains a rarely acknowledged and even more rarely discussed topic is – MARITAL RAPE.

Marital rape is also a part of the rampant domestic abuse throughout the world.It is assumed generally, that a woman will surrender consent upon entering marriage, however this might not be the case every time, but does that give her partner the right to force her or abuse her for it?Most people have a very stereotypical concept of “rape” , that is a possibility only with a stranger and thus do not acknowledge it as a crime. Also, studies and researches conducted on victims suggest otherwise, the trauma of a victim of marital rape is much more than in case of a stranger rape, as in the former case the victim might not be able to reach out for any support and the ordeal may continue.

“Marital rape is so destructive because it betrays the fundamental basis of the marital relationship, because it questions every understanding you have not only of your partner and the marriage, but of yourself. You end up feeling betrayed, humiliated and, above all, very confused.”No doubt that rape itself is an unparalleled ordeal, but having a history with the rapist increases the agony , in some cases dilutes the ability to react and thus more harmful.

In a country like ours where awareness of such atrocities is almost nil among 70-80% of the people, it is a crime that goes unnoticed and isn’t even reported.

Women continue to cry in their hearts and pray for a better married life where they have a say, where they both are happy. But the sad part is even today marriage is not about ‘them’ and so a woman is denied rights, is caged , can scream but shouldn’t be heard, can cry but shouldn’t be seen, is raped and shouldn’t be a victim.

Ironical as it is, but something such as marital rape should be acknowledged as no less a crime. Just because a woman leaves her own house to live in with her husband doesn’t mean she leaves behind her dignity, her right to humanity and her emotions. We need to assure those who are a victim that things can change for them and as for others, I hope we can do away with apprehensions of conventions and norms and believe in humanity for once. For once speak out and not be afraid of the consequences and help out those in need.

The Law regarding Rape in India clearly says that “Rape” can only occur when the man is aware that he is not the victim’s husband. This points to the fact that consent to sexual intercourse as per the husband’s will and desire is considered a natural implication of marriage. Moreover in a country where girls are married and sold off for money, words such as consent and will are rendered meaningless. Spousal Rape was recognized as a form of domestic violence in India on October, 2006. Even today, it is not regarded as a criminal offense in the court as it is easy to prove that the sexual intercourse happened with the wife’s consent. Thus many lawyers have argued that “consent “cannot be the primary criterion when judging a case of rape.

This form of rape accounts for almost 25%of the rape cases in our country. This figure is based loosely on reported cases. We can only imagine the number and figures of unreported cases of marital rape. It is often considered to be the worst form of rape since the woman is always asked to bear the suffering and forced to live with her rapist. However marital rape will not be treated as a criminal offense till people accept it as a wrong. In India, where sex is a severely taboo subject and women are considered to be a guest in the parental home, accepting marital rape as a possibility seems a distant dream.

The first step must be taken towards educating the parents, girl child and couples about conjugal rights, responsibilities and relationship. It is important to break the notion that the bride is merely a sexual object and treating her as a human being and a life partner. Even more important is to break away from the secondary status that our society offers to a woman. Today, Spousal rape is a crime which not only challenges a woman’s identity and position in Indian society, but questions the Law, the outdated notions of our social order and the oldest and one of the most sacred institutions of our nation, that is marriage. If we fail to address marital rape, then the entire population will become willing accomplices in practicing and perpetuating this heinous crime and forcing women to suffer the odious fate of living with the devil.